it has been painful waiting for you.

i have been hurt because part of the prayer that asked for you was my consent to feel pain. pain, because i had to open my heart. because i had to learn the songs you listen to. because i had to dream...and fail.

but i nevertheless stood firm, and waited. and along the course of the seemingly endless wait, i saw my ideals falling apart. li􀄴le by li􀄴le, i ignored the looks, the intellect, and the character. li􀄴le by li􀄴le, i reconsidered the vices, the flaws, and the imperfections. i saw your perfectly molded dummy minced and diced into pieces. in the end, i was le􀄞 with nothing but your heart. and i realized that, a􀄞er all, it was everything i needed.

but i missed you still. you’ve been in and out my life, but never did i had you with me. i wasn’t able to make you stop and stay because i expected you knew. i expected you came to be with me, just the same as i stayed to wait for you. but they didn’t tell you. and perhaps, your heart didn’t feel me too.

however, i haven’t yet let go of the grip. in fact, i have been preparing for that one brief shining moment that i can call “our day”. i have saved my dreams to have it shared with you someday. i have also kept some journals that would trace back the chronicles i’ve documented for you. that ultra-sweet giggle over that phone has long been practiced just in case technology would play some role in our story.

i am waiting for you still. and i just know deep inside that you will be worth it. i just hope it wouldn’t take too long...

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entry posted january 28th, 2005 @ 10:38 am gmt
weaved waAay back. no longer applicable at present